Episode 1: Loneliness and Friendships

So many of you have asked me to either start a youtube or do a podcast, and honestly, I'm absolutely awful on video, so the podcast was the next best option. For the first ever episode I decided to enlist the help of my best friend Saf and talk about loneliness and friendships. I hope you all enjoy! but if you're finding it hard to listen above click on this link below to listen directly on the Podomatic website here


 

The Way Out Will Always Break your Heart


There's often an insane amount of songs about someone leaving or being alone. Perhaps, its a universal fear in all of us and that's why we can resonate with it so much. I'm not ashamed to say that I'm weak. Honestly, when it comes to caring and love, I can be incredibly weak because I find it so hard to walk away when I know Its over. 

Sometimes you can find yourself in difficult emotional standstills, and you want a change. The harshes truth can come when you know a situation can't be changed, and the only way out is to end it. So when it comes to losing in a relationship, whether that be a partner or a friend, we tend to act irrationally, we justify things we usually wouldn't, or we find ways to keep them in our lives, even though we know that it's not good for them or us.

I often think its perhaps the fear of the unknown. When we have someone in our lives, we develop a wonderful feeling of security and happiness. Maybe this is because we tend to rely on them and that routine of having them at the end of the phone line or being able to just see them when you come home from work, so the thought of losing them is incredibly scary. That sweet feeling of love often clouds the truth that we were once also just as secure and happy before that person came along.  

I learnt the hard way that the way out will always break your heart. It reminds me of the flower analogy from my last post, but the idea that for something to grow and become beautiful you have to step back to stop your shadow from removing the light it needs to grow. So perhaps in some situations, if you genuinely love someone, you have to let them go. 

It is not easy, it never will be if that person is significant in your life. Yes, it will take time, but as much time as it will take, remember to be kind on yourself and to never blame yourself or that person on its ending. It is hard to see all the answers when your upset or angry but sometimes people come into your life to provide you with something and teach you something about yourself. God has a beautiful way of making you grow through difficult experiences, because as only after the rain falls, the grass will grow.
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What is love?

I would like to think that there are a lot of things that I believe I understand in life, but for the longest time, love has not been one of them. I based my whole understanding of love and relationships off the big screen, off the fairytales that I gripped so tightly to growing up. Maybe it was my own way of escaping reality, but I believed it none the less.  I used to believe that if you loved someone, you would do 'anything' for them. However, as I grew older, I  learnt that it wasn't exactly true.  
I discovered that for some people I had to minimise my net worth to keep them happy,  and with only the phrase 'you are nobody till somebody loves you' keeping me attached to them. Sometimes we have a very narrow view of the world, and we idealise a certain type of love. Even more so in today's world of social media where the hashtags 'relationship goals' have blurred the lines of what is central in our lives. Love doesn't always have to be that of the romantic kind. Love is whatever you make of it. So, maybe the question we should ask instead is "what does love feel like?" 
Love can be that feeling of warmth in a memory of a time when your best friend comforted you after the loss of someone you cared about. Love can be found in the little things, like popping out to the shops in the middle of the night because someone you care about is hungry and there's no food at home. Love can be that time you graduated, and all your most important people were there to cheer you on. 
Love can also be a different kind of feeling, a feeling of distance. Just as a plant won't grow any better if you watch it, sometimes you have to let things be to allow them to develop. Sometimes love can stop us from moving on. If we go back to the plant, you're watching grow, in some cases your shadow may prevent the plant from getting any sunlight. Sometimes you have to step back to let things develop to their fullest. So if there are people in your life who have distanced from you, it may not be because they love you any less, but sometimes they're doing this because of the very fact that they love you. Its because they don't want to hurt you. 
Honestly, it took me a long time to realise it, but I had 'love' all around me, in different forms and different memories. The truth is it just took me a long time to understand it. It might not have been in the way that movies and novels pushed it to be, but I have love nonetheless. Sometimes it means stepping back and looking at what is in your life. No matter how alone life may feel If we all look close enough love is there. 
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